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The Hottie and the Nottie (A Movie Review)

The Hottie and the Nottie


Starring Paris Hilton, Joel Moore, Christine Lakin, Adam Kulbersh, The Greg Wilson, Johann Urb, Karley Scott Collins, Alessandra Danielle, Erin Cardillo, Kathryn Fiore, Walter Delmar, Marianne Muellerleile, Alexandra Nowak, Samantha Bailey and Lorraine Smith.

Screenplay by Heidi Ferrer.

Directed by Tom Putnam.

Distributed by Regent Releasing.  91 minutes.  Rated PG-13.

There is no real sport in writing a review trashing The Hottie and the Nottie. 

I know it sucks.  You know it sucks.  Paris Hilton knows it sucks.  The writer knows it sucks.  So does the director.  The production company that is depending on the infamous Hilton name to get a marginal opening weekend before bad word-of-mouth condemns the movie to the bottom of the DVD racks knows it sucks.  The projectionist knows it sucks.  The guy at the popcorn counter knows it sucks.

So pointing out how much it sucks seems almost churlish – sort of like kicking someone when they are down.

Then again, it is hard to feel too sorry for the movie-makers who were so cynical that they spent no time or effort creating a story that could maximize the extremely limited talents of their celebutant star in her little vanity movie.

Couldn’t they have thrown some of the Hilton billions towards a competent screenwriter and better co-stars that could prop up their star?

After all, as much as it hurts me to say this, Hilton’s 2006 song “Stars are Blind” was actually a very catchy and well-made single.  It worked because Hilton’s handlers were smart enough to hire professional musicians, songwriters and producers who could distract the listeners from their front-person’s vocal limitations.

The makers of The Hottie and the Nottie took no such care, which is obvious from just hearing the movie’s lame title.

Things don’t get any better from there.  The storyline in a nutshell (and let’s face it, it doesn’t get any deeper than a nutshell) has Hilton playing the most attractive woman in Los Angeles, who just happens to be the best friend of the ugliest.

Right away this gives the movie a credibility problem.  Hilton is relatively attractive in a stripperish kind of way, but no one is going to mistake her for a supermodel.  Particularly in a show-business town like Los Angeles, which lures attractive women with the promise of stardom in dumb movies like The Hottie and the Nottie, Paris would be very lucky to rank in the top 30 percent of hotness.

Nonetheless, in the movie’s skewed world view, every man in the LA area wants to date Paris.   Problem is, Paris has decided she’s not going to date until her unattractive friend finds love, too.  (I haven’t bothered to refer to Hilton by her character’s name, because it really doesn’t matter, she is playing Paris.  Does that make her friend’s character a back-handed slap at Nicole?  Doubt it, but you never know.)

If you don’t know where all of this is going, then you probably deserve to have to sit through The Hottie and the Nottie.

For the rest of the world, please for your own sake, avoid The Hottie and the Nottie at all costs.  It’s bad enough that I had to sit through it for this article.  Don’t compound that mistake and encourage such incompetence with your hard-earned time and money.

Dave Strohler

Copyright ©2008  All rights reserved.  Posted: February 18, 2008.

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